When Your Heart Breaks But Your Faith Remains

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." - Hebrews 13:5

33rd Birthday Reflection

I'm writing this through tears, but they're not just tears of sadness—they're tears of recognition, of being seen, of hope breaking through one of many dark season in my life. Moments like this help me to move out of the way of the Lord, who is healing and reconciling my dark areas, back into His true vine. Where healing and life triumphs.

If I'm honest, I'm heartbroken. The thought of navigating a abusive breakup, loss of friendships, homelessness, birth and postpartum alone without comfort or acknowledgment cuts deep. I look around and realize I have no family—no true friends who would walk through the trenches with me. My postpartum body still bears the physical reminders of what I've been through, and the healing feels so slow, so incomplete.

The mistreatment I've endured during a vulnerable season has left marks that go beyond the physical. My very identity has been under attack—waves of warfare and betrayal have crashed over me repeatedly. Some days I barely recognize myself.

You know what's strange? Every year, I find myself clinging to pain that I desperately want to release. It's like I'm afraid to let go, afraid that forgetting the hurt means forgetting the lessons, or worse—that no one will remember what I've been through. A final grasp for validation.

But here's what keeps me going: His voice. His words. Those personal letters He's written on my heart, the scriptures that have become my lifeline—I cling to them like a shipwrecked sailor clings to driftwood. Without this connection to Jesus Christ, my true vine, I know I would have withered completely.

I never imagined my story would look like this. Reflecting back to childhood, and the hope of possibility in my teen and young adult years. The capacity I've needed for God in my life has surprised even me. But that's exactly where He wanted me—at the end of myself, completely dependent on His strength.

A Prophetic Word from the Lord

Recently, in my deepest moment of questioning whether anyone sees or cares, He spoke. And I want to share His words with you, because maybe you need to hear them too:

"You will soar, mounting up on wings like eagles. From great depths, I will establish you on high. For I am your strong tower, your refuge, your friend. I am your remedy, child. I make all things new, and I heal what no man can. You've endured great hardships. Many nights you've known more pain than joy. Yet, you fixated your heart to seek after Me. Not only obtaining a smile, but bringing Me praise. How could I not take note of your copper coins, My widow? For you have not only been forsaken. But you forsook all to follow after Me. There is no door that is closed to you child; you simply wait on My time. Which is always perfect. No man can stop My words that have long been in motion. Keep trusting Me, keep obeying. I am speeding up your path. You cannot disappoint me, because I am not dependent on you. You are dependent on Me. So tell Me, child, am I disappointing?" -The Father, God

The Truth That Changes Everything

Those last words hit me like lightning: "Am I disappointing?"

In all my pain, in all my questioning whether He sees or cares, He turns the question back to me. Not with condemnation, but with such tender love. He's asking me to really look at His faithfulness, even when everything else feels unstable.

The truth is, He hasn't disappointed. When friends have been absent, He's been present. When my body has been slow to heal, His love has been quick to comfort. When my identity has been under attack, He's reminded me whose I am.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." - Deuteronomy 31:8

God is in her citadels; he has shown himself to be her fortress.
Psalm 48:3

But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31

To You, Walking Through Your Own Valley

If you're reading this and recognize yourself in my story—if you're in a season where your heart is breaking, where family & friends feel absent, where your body or circumstances bear witness to pain you never expected—I want you to know: you're not alone.

Your copper coins matter to Him (Mark 12:41-44, NKJV) . Your midnight tears are seen. Your faithful heart, even when it's breaking, brings Him praise.

He's not just the God who sees from a distance. He's your strong tower, your refuge, your friend. He's your remedy when nothing else can heal. And He's already working behind the scenes, speeding up your path in ways you can't yet see.

Keep trusting. Keep obeying. Keep seeking His face even when—especially when—it feels like all you have to offer are broken pieces.

Because from great depths, He establishes us on high. And that's not just a promise for someday—that's a promise for today.

You will soar on wings like eagles.

What season are you walking through right now? I'd love to hear your story in the comments. Sometimes knowing we're not alone makes all the difference.