The Loneliness of Drawing Near

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. -James 4:8

Dear friend,

Have you ever felt the peculiar ache of being misunderstood, especially in your faith journey among the Brethren? There's something uniquely isolating about walking closely with the Lord—a loneliness that few talk about, yet many experience.

The Mystery of Proximity

The closer we draw to God's heart, the more mysterious we become to others. It's not arrogance or superiority—it's simply that His perspective begins to color our vision in ways that can't always be translated into everyday language. We see this pattern woven throughout Scripture like a golden thread of truth.

Consider Moses, isolated even among his people, because others could only understand him to the extent of their own intimacy with God. Think of Jesus Himself, constantly misunderstood because people measured His actions against their own limited understanding of God's will rather than surrendering to the mystery of His ways.

This isn't coincidence, beloved. It's the natural rhythm of a heart that's learning to beat in sync with the Father.

Therefore when Jesus perceived that they were about to come and take Him by force to make Him king, He departed again to the mountain by Himself alone. 
John 6:15

You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. 
James 2:19

Moses took his tent and pitched it outside the camp, far from the camp, and called it the tabernacle of meeting. And it came to pass that everyone who sought the Lord went out to the tabernacle of meeting which was outside the camp. So it was, whenever Moses went out to the tabernacle, that all the people rose, and each man stood at his tent door and watched Moses until he had gone into the tabernacle. And it came to pass, when Moses entered the tabernacle, that the pillar of cloud descended and stood at the door of the tabernacle, and the Lord talked with Moses. All the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the tabernacle door, and all the people rose and worshiped, each man in his tent door. So the Lord spoke to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend.
Exodus 33:7-11

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” 
Luke 10:38-42

Martha's World, Mary's Heart

In our current church climate, we live surrounded by Martha's energy—constant motion, endless productivity, the relentless pursuit of doing more. And while Martha's heart was sincere, her perspective was clouded by her own agenda. Meanwhile, Mary chose the better part: sitting at Jesus' feet, drinking in His presence.

Too often, the Marys among us are misunderstood. We're labeled as lazy, scoffed at, disregarded, even accused—just as Martha accused Mary before Christ Himself. But Jesus gently revealed that Martha's outlook was flawed because her motives were mixed with self-seeking.

Here's the tender truth: brotherly love cannot flourish where self-seeking lives. Some Marthas don't want to stop their frenzied activity long enough to be corrected by the Lord. They wait for the Marys to emerge from deep communion, then try to steal from them or exploit their gifts to fuel their own ambitions. They're still missing the point entirely.

but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness—indignation and wrath, 
Romans 2:8

The Lord looks down from heaven upon the children of men, To see if there are any who understand, who seek God. 
Psalm 14:2

They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:10-11

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. A good man obtains favor from the Lord, but a man of evil devices he condemns. No one is established by wickedness, but the root of the righteous will never be moved. ... 
Proverbs 12:1-28

A Word of Grace

If you see yourself as Martha in this post, dear one, please hear this with the gentleness it's intended: God's forgiveness is waiting for you. You don't need to outperform anyone. You don't need to prove your adequacy through endless works. Your empty nets will remain empty until you allow Jesus to show you where and how to cast them for His glory, not your own.

If you're Mary, feeling isolated and misunderstood, know that you're not alone in this.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ 
Isaiah 41:10

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 
Psalm 25:16

He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. 
John 21:6

“So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, ‘Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first.’ And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius. But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius. And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner, saying, ‘These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.’ But he answered one of them and said, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?’ So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen.” 
Matthew 20:8-16

The Gift of Spiritual Sight

This morning, I woke with a fresh awareness of how unwelcome my journey with Christ has become in certain circles. How many judge my testimony, are ashamed of my witness for Jesus, and disregard His insights because He’s taken something “simple” to confound the puffed up, and their red tape limits.

People focus on the vessel and miss what the Lord is pouring through it. Some try to take what's in the vessel before it's time to pour. Others attack the vessel to prevent any pouring at all.

The closer I pursue the Father, the more clearly I can see, and paradoxically, the less I am truly seen or understood by others. Like you, I've cried out, "Who am I? Why is my life like this?"

His response came like a gentle hug: "You are my child, my light. You are loved in a place incapable of love. Do not lose heart—my love conquered so you don't have to."

What a kind reminder that none of this is to be taken personally. It simply comes with the territory of salvation: dwelling in His heart and Christ dominion.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 
1 Peter 2:9

The Temptation of Apathy

I'll be honest with you—the gift of discerning spirits can be exhausting. Seeing both demonic spirits and human hearts clearly, watching pretense mingle with genuine connection attempts, navigating the complexity of people who are still growing through their own brokenness while saved... it naturally leads toward emotional withdrawal.

During a recent week of prayer and fasting, God showed me something through Abraham's story. Abraham had grown apathetic about God's promises, tired and exhausted from his journey, right up until Isaac's birth. So God tested him—not to punish, but to revive his faith that was drifting toward dormancy.

That's what He's been doing with me. Testing not to correct apathy, but to prevent it. To keep my feet off the path of burnout. To keep my heart pure and kindled in His all-consuming fire of love.

Now it came to pass after these things that God tested Abraham, and said to him, “Abraham!” 
Genesis 22:1

The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills. To the Chief Musician. With my stringed instruments. 
Habakkuk 3:19

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than those who watch for the morning— Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. 
Proverbs 4:23

The Altar Moments

Here's what I'm learning: every single one of us faces the temptation to become apathetic toward God because of how others mishandle us. The Christian walk naturally becomes more isolating the closer we draw to Him, because more truth is revealed—not just about others, but about ourselves.

Sometimes the Isaac on our altar is our heart postures towards God. On promises God has kept for us or already given us to maintain our faith. Whether you're living in that promise or still awaiting it, the altar remains the same. Faith means trusting Him with our whole heart, even the parts that feel constantly mistreated.

Apathy becomes our defense mechanism, but if we can trust God, we can trust Him to fully safeguard our hearts. We can maintain the fear of the Lord, trust, and faith in Him seeing the purpose behind His call in this hour.

You Are Not Alone

These altar moments are isolating by design, but please don't let isolation become desolation. If anything I've written resonates, receive it as edification for this hour. Don't miss the opportunity to see what God has specifically for your heart.

You are seen, beloved.

You are known.

Your journey toward His heart, however lonely it may feel, is sacred ground. All sandals of past journeys have to come off before Him.

The misunderstanding, the isolation, the peculiar ache of being so close to Him that others can't quite place you—it's all part of the beautiful, journey of close proximity stemming from intimacy with the Lord.

Keep drawing near.

Keep choosing the better part.

Keep trusting that He who calls you is faithful to complete what He's begun.

Take a quiet moment with the Lord and ask yourself: Am I drawing closer to His heart, even when it feels lonely? What is He asking me to place on the altar right now—and am I willing to trust Him with it?