The Re-Test of Idolatry: When God Shows You How Far You've Come

From Broken to Breakthrough: How God Tested My Heart and Set Me Free

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." - Galatians 6:9

I'm about to share something really vulnerable with you—a story that's messy, raw, and real. It's about how I went from being trapped in cycles of toxic love to discovering what freedom actually looks like. If you've ever found yourself wondering why you keep repeating the same painful patterns, this one's for you.

When Love Becomes an Idol

You've probably heard pieces of my story on YouTube—how I escaped not one, but two abusive relationships. What I'm still learning to talk about is the deeper truth: it wasn't just about the abuse. It was about the idolatry in my own heart.

Let me paint you a picture of where I was mentally when I first entered that abusive relationship. I was like clay—desperate to be molded in a way that would earn praise, desperately wanting to be taken care of and feel safe. My thoughts were painfully simple:

"She's worthy of love—look, she's in a relationship."

"She has purpose, she belongs."

"She's worthy of love—she was chosen."

Sound familiar? I was seeking validation through what I now call "the male gaze"—that societal pressure that equates a woman's worth with her relationship status. My people-pleasing nature and the belief that my love could conquer any battle? Pure idolatry.

Here's the truth I had to face: There's only one whose love can truly conquer. There's only one who deserves glory from our unions.

The Molding Process

When you're shaped by false validation, you become willing to accept almost anything just to maintain that sense of "belonging." I found myself trapped in an abusive cycle, being molded by the false idol I had made of a relationship and his imagine of what I should be.

But here's what's beautiful about our God—He doesn't leave us there.

When I finally escaped, God took me through deeper inner healing. I had to confront hard truths about how rejection had driven me into relationships just to feel accepted. I learned that compromise is born from the brokenness of our perspective and self-worth—it's what happens when our desires aren't properly surrendered or healed.

The Bible tells us we are complete in Him (Colossians 2:10), but I was still looking for completion in all the wrong places.

When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
John 5:6

The Pattern Repeats

After almost four years of single motherhood, something shifted. I became frustrated with spiritual warfare and being alone. Instead of pressing deeper into God's love, I began to idolize marriage.

Can you relate to this? Sometimes when we're tired of waiting, tired of fighting, tired of trusting, we start looking for shortcuts.

Like Sarai in the Bible, who wanted to be a mother so desperately that she grew weary of doing things God's way and compromised her marriage, I found myself seeking love and validation through a dating app. Even though God had clearly said no. Even though He'd told me not to awaken love before its time... again.

I thought I had control over the situation. Pride goes before a fall, and fall I did.

Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised.
Song of Solomon 8:7

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.
Song of Solomon 8:4

Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall. 
Proverbs 16:18

The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.
Proverbs 14:14

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. And she had an Egyptian maidservant whose name was Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please, go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai. Then Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan. So he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress became despised in her eyes.

Then Sarai said to Abram, “My wrong be upon you! I gave my maid into your embrace; and when she saw that she had conceived, I became despised in her eyes. The Lord judge between you and me.”

So Abram said to Sarai, “Indeed your maid is in your hand; do to her as you please.” And when Sarai dealt harshly with her, she fled from her presence.
Genesis 16:1-6

When Love Becomes a False Shelter

Here's how twisted my thinking had become: love had become my canopy from life's roughness. I thought if I could just belong to someone, I'd be safe. I was still placing things above God, not surrendering to His desires for me.

My counterfeit relationship became a distraction from my hardships, but it was highly dangerous and immediately abusive. A false sense of security. A bubble that quickly popped.

Once again, I found myself being treated poorly, wondering how I'd gotten into another toxic dynamic when I knew better, when I knew what abuse looked like, when I'd heard God clearly. Yet there I was—a prodigal all over again.

The Rescue and the Return

I begged Jesus to rescue me, feeling too deep to escape the cycle on my own. And He did. Like the father in the prodigal son story, He ran to meet me while I was still a long way off, full of compassion and ready to restore.

"Return, you backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings" (Jeremiah 3:22). That's exactly what He did—He healed my backsliding heart and loved me freely.

“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.” ’

“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
Luke 15:17-21

I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him. I will be as the dew unto Israel: he shall grow as the lily, and cast forth his roots as Lebanon.
Hosea 14:4-6

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
James 1:2-4

The Test That Changed Everything

After more inner healing, God gave me a test that would reveal just how much I'd grown.

One day, completely out of nowhere, God told me that I had met my future husband at a place in Texas I routinely visit. Talk about catching me off guard! He wasn't what I was expecting, and honestly, I was full of shock and inner turmoil.

For two months, I carried this knowledge that the other person didn't have. We didn't speak—I only saw him in passing. But God gave me so many details, insights, and prayers concerning this individual. It was like having a private dialogue with the Lord about someone whose life seemed... complicated.

The Challenge of God's Timing

I'll be honest with you—this person's life was messy, and I couldn't understand how a God who loved me would want me with someone like this. Or why He would give me this insight when the timing seemed all wrong.

But God challenged my ideals, my perception, and my heart. He showed me how to see myself in what was initially off-putting. Talk about humbling!

More importantly, He was testing me—watching to see if I would try to jump into something like I'd done before, or if I'd wait for His lead and counsel. To move in wisdom is to be cautious, to be innocent as a dove but wise as a serpent.

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.
Matthew 10:16

Learning to See Through His Eyes

God taught me about romanticizing people and timing, which is really just idolizing how we think things should be versus accepting the reality of His will. Reality is usually messy because we're imperfect beings learning to abide in His mercy and grace.

I also learned how to pray from a new place of love—from a gaze of mercy in Christ. If this person was truly to be my spouse, would I pray for them as Jesus desired? Would I accept reality, even when it didn't match my Pinterest-perfect expectations?

Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.
Matthew 1:19

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment.
Matthew 22:37

The Beautiful Revelation

Here's the plot twist that left me speechless: It was all a test.

I felt such relief because I'd had such a difficult time accepting the dynamics of this person's life. But I was willing to surrender to Jesus. When I realized it was a test, I understood—this was my Abraham and Isaac moment. God had tested my heart to see if I would make a relationship an idol, even if He said, "this is him."

Just like Abraham was willing to sacrifice Isaac, I was willing to say yes to God's will, even when it didn't make sense to me. And just like with Abraham, God provided another way.

Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

But the Angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!”

So he said, “Here I am.”

And He said, “Do not lay your hand on the lad, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.”

Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram, and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son. And Abraham called the name of the place, The-Lord-Will-Provide; as it is said to this day, “In the Mount of the Lord it shall be provided.”
Genesis 22:9-14

A Testament to His Faithfulness

So while I'm still waiting for my "him," I felt compelled to share this raw testimony with you. God is so dedicated to our purity and healing that He will sometimes re-test us to show us how far He has healed us and brought us along.

It's not about passing a test—it's about passing through another layer of awe at how faithful our God is. The Maker of heaven and earth redeemed me from a stronghold and has shown me how truly free I am.

What This Means for You

Maybe you're reading this and recognizing some of your own patterns. Maybe you've made an idol out of love, marriage, work,family, school, or belonging. Maybe you're tired of waiting for God's best and tempted to settle for something that feels good right now.

Can I encourage you with something? Sometimes we may not want to accept a circumstance we're faced with, but if you approach it with Christ-like integrity, patience, and total obedience, you will overcome what once held you prisoner.

You're ready for new promises in the wake of transformation. God isn't withholding good things from you—He's preparing you for the best things.

He who walks with integrity walks securely, But he who perverts his ways will become known. 
Proverbs 10:9

A Heart-to-Heart Question

What's God re-testing in your life right now? Where is He asking you to surrender something you've been holding too tightly?

I know it's scary to let go of our idols, even when we know they're not good for us. But here's what I've learned: God's "no" is always protecting His "yes." His delays are not His denials, and His testing always leads to breakthrough.

Remember, sweet friend, you're not alone in this journey of healing and growth. We're walking this path together, learning to trust His heart even when we can't see His hands.

Your freedom is worth the wait. Your healing is worth the process. And you—exactly as you are right now—are worth His incredible love.

What resonated most with you in this story? Have you experienced God's testing in your own life? I'd love to hear your thoughts and connect with you in the comments below. And if this encouraged you today, please share it with someone who might need to hear that they're not alone in their journey.